I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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