That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
