I want to make a zoo with you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
