Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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