So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
