heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
