I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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