i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
