Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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