It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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