Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
