I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
