Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
