is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
