I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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