smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
