I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
