Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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