Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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