How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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