love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
