sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
