"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
