I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
