Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
worst night to have a conscience
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
