The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
