It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
