I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
