who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
