I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
