There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
