R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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