i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
