Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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