My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
