i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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