dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
