U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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