do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
