He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
