I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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