I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
