I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
