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I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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