Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
