if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
