I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
