He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
