I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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