i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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