he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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