need another drink. this is the easiest way
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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