i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
