Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
