Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
