I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
